You’re not the only one
Coping with feelings of loneliness and isolation
Feelings of loneliness and isolation are common in children and young people with cancer.
You might ordinarily enjoy having some time to yourself, but during cancer treatment, being on your own might feel harder than usual. Other times, you could be around lots of people, such as friends or family, and still feel lonely inside. That can feel confusing, but it’s very common.
Both feelings can be tough in different ways. The most important thing to know is that you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking to someone you trust is a good first step.
Here for what’s hard to say out loud.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s a very personal feeling, and it’s different for each person. After a cancer diagnosis, you might feel lonelier than you did before. You may feel like no one truly gets what you’re going through. Or you might be worried about saying how you really feel in case it upsets someone.
But it’s OK to talk about it and remember that there are other people your age going through a similar time too.
Feeling lonely for a long time may impact your mental health and positive wellbeing, making you feel down or anxious. That’s why it’s so important to speak to someone you trust.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this by yourself.
We’re here for the days you feel strong, and the ones you don’t.
We’re here for the days you feel far away from everyone.
Why you might feel more alone right now
Cancer can sometimes make you feel more cut off from things than before, as everything that was once ‘normal’ has changed. You might be staying home more because you’re tired or unwell from treatment or because your immunity is too low to go back to school or socialise. Even if you usually like having time on your own, you might feel more worried or vulnerable now, and that can feel lonely.
It can be frustrating when you can’t do the things you used to, like going out with your friends, doing sports, or even going to school. You might feel left out and fed up. That’s completely normal.
It’s OK to feel this way.
When you’re told you have cancer, it’s normal to feel like no one really understands. This might be the first time your friends have known someone with a serious illness. You might feel like you have to put on a brave face, even if deep down you feel scared, sad, angry or worried.
But you don’t have to hide how you feel. Try being open with just one person to start with. You’ll probably find that the people around you want to help, but they might not be sure what to say or do.
It can also help to talk to people your age who do understand. If you would like to find out ways of reaching out to other young people in a similar situation, then please let us know.
After your diagnosis, you might notice your friends or family act a bit differently. They may be trying to help by giving you space, or they might not tell you how they feel because they don’t want to upset you. Even if they mean well, it can make you feel more alone.
Let them know what you need. You might want to talk about your cancer, or you might just want to chat about everyday things like your favourite TV show or what’s happening at school.
Remember, cancer doesn’t define you, and it’s OK to remind people of that.
What if I want to be alone right now?
Sometimes you might want to be left alone. That’s totally OK. Maybe you’re tired from treatment, feeling angry or want some space. Perhaps you feel like people are acting weird around you. Or maybe you just want to feel in control of something.
Taking time on your own can help you work through your thoughts. But try not to shut yourself off completely. Let your friends or family know that you need some space. If you feel able to, explain why.
How to cope with feeling isolated
Feeling lonely can be tough, and opening up about it can feel scary. Here are some small steps you can take that can make a big difference.
Take things at your own pace. You don’t need to rush straight into big conversations if you don’t feel ready. Start small and go from there. Talking openly can be hard at first, but it does get easier.
Stay in touch with friends or classmates if you can. It could just be messaging, video calls or playing games together online, even if you can’t meet in person or you don’t feel able.
Keep boredom at bay. Doing even a small activity each day (or having a little aim) can help you feel more in control. This could be as simple as going for a short walk if you are able, speaking to a friend on the phone or painting your nails. It does not have to be something big.
Try new creative hobbies, such as music, gaming, writing or crafts. It can help if you are feeling bored or anxious and can lift your mood.
You could try an online activity where there is no pressure to talk, such as a craft or drawing class. Over time, you may find you feel more confident saying hello or chatting to others in the group.
Think about joining an online or in-person support group. Meeting other young people who have cancer or who have had cancer can make such a difference, as they ‘get it’ in a way that your friends and family may not.
Use tools like an AV1 robot. It can sit in your classroom while you’re at home or in hospital and lets you join lessons. It can sit in class, hear what’s going on, and even help you chat with friends. You can see your friends on your phone or tablet device, and they can listen to you, but not see you. This means you can be tucked up in bed or in your joggers on the sofa and no one would know.
Looking after yourself
When feeling well enough, simply looking after yourself can make you feel more positive, help you feel less anxious and feel better in general. Some simple ways to look after yourself when you are feeling well enough may include →
Remember, you don’t have to fix everything at once. It is fine to take it one small step at a time and ask for help when you need it.
Simply having a shower, washing or popping on some clean clothes
Trying to get enough sleep and not going to bed too late
Eating regular, balanced meals (at times during treatment, we know this can be difficult. If eating is hard, sometimes small, regular healthy snacks may be easier)
Get some gentle exercise or spend time outside if you can
Having some screen-free time and doing something different
Being around animals, if you like them, can bring comfort and help you feel calmer
Going back to school, college or seeing your friends again
The idea of going back to school, college or meeting up with friends during or after cancer treatment may make you feel worried, anxious or scared. Often, this is mixed with feelings of excitement too, so it can be a rollercoaster of emotions.
You might worry about how people will act, what they’ll say, or whether things will feel the same. That’s totally normal. Lots of young people feel the same way.
Often, young people say they are worried about what others may think. This is common. You may be feeling nervous about being treated differently or being asked questions you are not ready to answer. You may be worried about being judged, looking different, acting differently or simply because you have been away from school for a long time.
Just remember, if people act differently, it may be that they just don’t know what to do or say… it doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Things that can help:
Try and keep in contact with a few friends whilst you are away (but don’t worry if you haven’t – you could make contact with a couple of people before you go back)
Practice what you might say if someone asks a question. Keep it simple and only share what you are comfortable with.
Start with small steps. Feeling unsure or even a bit shy when you go back is completely normal, especially if you have been away for a while.
You could arrange to meet with a friend outside to go into school together on that first day back. Having someone to chat to can make it a bit easier.
Letting your teachers know how they can help
Going back to school during or after cancer treatment can feel like a big step. One thing that can help is making sure your teachers know how to support you in the way that feels right for you. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. Try talking to a parent or trusted adult about how your teachers could help. Some ideas could include:
Ask a teacher to speak to your class or close friends about what has happened, but only if you want them to (and only as much as you feel comfortable sharing). This way, they can answer questions before you return.
Tell your classmates how they can help, such as sending messages when you are off, including you in conversations when you are back or not asking difficult questions.
Have a buddy to walk and sit with for those first few days
Make sure you are not singled out or made to speak out in front of the class if that feels uncomfortable, especially when you first go back.
Use a code word or signal if you need to leave the lesson for a break, the toilet, or because you feel tired or unwell.
Have a quiet place to go at lunchtime where you can rest if you need to (with a friend if you like), such as the library or a calm room.
Be included in activities in a way that will work for you.
Keep homework simple or flexible, so you have time to rest and recover at home.
Remember, it’s OK to ask for help. Your teachers will want to support you and get it right, but they need to know what helps. You don’t have to handle everything on your own. Your teachers and parents can help you feel more prepared and supported, one small step at a time.
Going back to school or college is really tiring
When you go back to school, you may find talking to people and socialising exhausting! You will be tired from being away from home all day and learning how to keep up with everyday life. Your energy levels will take time to build back up.
Asking to do shorter school days, going in on alternate days to start with or just going into school for certain lessons initially may help. Gradually increasing the time you spend at school can help you feel more confident, comfortable and less tired.
Take your time, you are not expected to get back to ‘normal’ straight away. Reintegrating back into school full-time and socialising again will take time. Here’s how to deal with it:
Dealing with stigma or fear of judgment
It’s natural to worry about how others might see you after being away, especially if your appearance or routine has changed. Some people may not know what to say, or they might ask questions that feel awkward. Remember, you don’t have to explain everything if you don’t want to. Talking to a trusted teacher or friend beforehand about how you’d like others to treat you can help. Over time, most people will adjust, and you’ll find that those who matter will accept you for who you are.
Rebuilding your social confidence
After time away, it can feel strange to step back into conversations, groups, or activities you used to enjoy. Start small. Chat with one or two close friends, or join in for short moments rather than whole events. Each positive interaction will help rebuild your confidence. Remind yourself that it’s OK to take breaks if you feel overwhelmed. With patience, you’ll find your voice again and feel more comfortable being part of social life.
Losing everyday contact and what to do about it
Being away from school often means missing out on the little daily moments, like laughing with friends, sharing lunch, or just being part of the buzz. It’s normal to feel left out. To ease this, you could arrange short catch-ups outside of school, like a walk, a video call, or even just messaging a friend regularly. These small connections can make a big difference and help you feel included, even if you’re not there all the time.
Who can help you
- Trusted adults
- Peer supporters
- Online groups
How Grace Kelly Childhood Cancer Trust supports you
- Buddy system
- School reintegration tools (videos pending)
- Teen-specific resources
- Social Media
