Here for you, too
Advice for siblings
When your brother or sister has cancer, everything can feel different.
Life at home may change, and people at home are probably acting differently. It may be difficult because you are missing out on clubs, parties or family outings, your routines feel jumbled, or you may be seeing your parents less, and even when you see them, they may be more stressed than before.
You might feel emotions you weren’t expecting or not know what you’re feeling at all.
Whatever is going on in your head, it’s OK. There is no “right” way to feel. Everyone reacts differently, and all feelings are valid. You may be feeling some or all of the following:
Worried. You may be worried about your brother or sister’s health, what this means, treatment and what is going to happen next.
Sad. You may feel upset or helpless, like you can’t do anything to help.
Scared. You are probably feeling this but may not feel able to show it.
Angry. You may be feeling fed up. Your plans may have been cancelled, your life has changed, your parents are worried, and your brother or sister is getting all the time and attention. This is a completely normal emotion, and you may feel unable to say this out loud. This does not make you a bad person in any way. It makes you human.
Confused. Changed routines, not knowing who may be picking you up from school, and lots of new medical words are enough to confuse anyone. It is OK to ask questions to get the answers you need.
Left out. You may feel like your sibling is the centre of attention and that people don’t notice how you are doing or how you are. This can feel very lonely. Just remember, your needs still matter, and it is OK to say if there is something you need or if you need support.
Guilty. You may feel guilty for being able to enjoy yourself when your sibling is unwell, or you may feel guilty for feeling angry or jealous. Some siblings even feel guilty that they are not the one who is ill.
Awkward. Quite simply, you may not know what to say or do when you see your unwell sibling.
All these emotions (often a mix of them all) are a completely normal way to feel, so it is essential to speak to a parent or trusted adult when you need to talk.
It is common for many of these emotions to be unspoken, as you may be worried about adding to your parents’ worries.
Here are some things that can help:
- Ask an adult to tell you what’s happening and when, like marking things on a calendar, can help, so you know where you are up to.
- Tell your family about any important upcoming events, like a school trip or party. If your parents can’t go, maybe a friend’s parent can take you or another family member.
- Ask who will look after you when your parents are away. It’s OK to want to know. Not knowing can sometimes be the hardest thing.
- When your sibling is away, try to keep in touch. It could be phone calls, messages, pictures, letters or playing online games together.
Support just for you
You are just as important as your brother or sister, even if it doesn’t always feel that way, since they have become ill.
It is OK if you don’t want to talk straight away, but when you feel ready, talking can make a big difference. If your parents are away looking after your sibling or you think you cannot speak to them, it can be to another adult. It could be a friend’s parent, a teacher or a care or guidance worker (pastoral support) at school or a charity support worker like the ones we have at the Grace Kelly Childhood Cancer Trust. You might find it helpful to:
- Ask for time to do fun things you enjoy, like clubs, sports or sleepovers.
- Find a quiet space just for yourself when you need a break.
- Try to exercise regularly, whatever you enjoy. This can help with feeling wound up or tense.
- Keep a feelings diary. You don’t have to show this to anyone unless you want to.
- Join a sibling support group (online or in person).
- Read letters or stories from other siblings who ‘get it’.
Remember
- It’s not your job to fix everything
- Your parents and sibling still love you, even if they seem distant at the moment.
- You matter too. Even when life feels messy or unfair, you’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.
Last reveiwed October 2026. Next review due October 2029.
